fractured self

[original art by shane oborn]

this is all of everything

last time i thought about it

i had at least four favorite memories

funneling into the valley

of my failing recollection.

what more could one ask for

than a handful of loved ones by his side?

where did it go,

days spent looking out the window?

wondering what life would bring

when i finally stepped out the door.

i can't hold onto all i've had

its too much for one to carry

but that doesn't mean i've given up

it just means i'm moving on

it just means life is moving on

back then i stepped into all sorts of things

today i just step into the river

life isn't any less confusing

but i'd say i'm less confused

as its all about what you're looking for

and sometimes about what you're not

but i'm sure i found what's worth holding on

and i'm holding on to what i've got

in this life we own nothing of value

for what we own is chaff in wind

and the things we'd want to own the most

are beyond such recklessness

what we've got is all around us

and there's no sense looking back

or forward, beneath, or the next street over

that's all just petty cash

death.

its around every corner.

we walk the streets with our purses

on one shoulder and our messenger bags

on another.

perhaps our cell phones rang just in time

to turn our glance from yet another

chance to wake up from this intentional

choice to glance away together.

and its here.

and its there.

and i know it.

and i have awoken.

and i know i'm falling asleep. someday.

and i began this way.

and i don't have to remain here.

and so i chose not to.

and so i choose not to.

because the moments i'll spend awake now

will be my finest.

they will be my finest, and are, and have been.

already.

and i'm not as distracted.

and i'm not as confused.

because i get it.

and i hold on now.

and i hold on gently and with grace and with tears.

and i hold on with my hands open

because i understand its not mine

and i do not own what i love.

and this, this is love.

and this, this is all of everything.

slow down

....sometimes.... its out your back window....

From Winter (2010)

i just believe there's hope

i just believe there's hope

you take it as inevitable
that hope is the unattainable
but everything inside of me
quietly says you're wrong

you say its all unsolvable
your questions all unanswerable
but this is as much a matter of faith
as any other truth

i don't have the disposition
you should share my own position
i've walked too many miles
and respect you more than that

but i just don't like the silence
the choice to let the time pass
when i see you're slowly sinking in
to a place you may not return

you take it as inevitable
that love is the unattainable
but everything inside of me
screams for another side

who am i? i'm nobody
lost as much as anybody
but all that being said
i consider you a friend

i cannot speak with certainty
and i'm not immune to apathy
but how does that imply
i should leave it all alone?

it all could end tomorrow
the world drowned in its sorrow
but there is too much beauty here
to disregard as smoke

please just hear me out
i swear its not the end
but yes its true, i'm not sure
where all this should begin
perhaps a conversation
about life and how it goes
but what the hell do i know?
i just believe there's hope
i just believe there's hope
i just believe there's hope


poetry and photography copyright 2009.  shane oborn.

fractured

[a poem written as an exercise in stream of consciousness while taking inspiration from the accompanying personal photograph]






fractured

we lay waste to what is fractured.
where will you meet me there?
the walls are crumbling around us. on what
shore will i find you when the wave has taken
us all away? what light will guide me there?
through what window should i look to see
your face when i have given up? what
glass must i break to be with you again?
its all there in front of me but no less
confusing. i was not prepared for this.
its dry, i'm tired, and silent.
i'm burning up and remember when i was
taken by the storm, and i would
take the salt on my tongue again as
i think back. its desperate here.
the empty space around me is both
desolate and heavy.
will it ever rain?

poetry and photography copyright 2009. shane oborn.

where photography meets illustration

this is a piece from a collection of illustrative works produced by dmitry utkin. this particular series was a fusion of real life photography with post-prod illustration work. amazing stuff. the collection was titled "where photography meets illustration". [pointed out to me by a friend]

miss peace

respect

respect

i am fragile

so don't hold back

i can't handle the truth

so please don't lie

i have all these problems

so don't try fix them

i need advice

so just stay silent

i am searching for something

so don't show me the way

i have finally arrived

so make sure i keep going

poetry and photography copyright 2009. shane oborn.

the desert way

when i believe

[a poem dedicated to the past struggles i've encountered to find myself and my strength in the midst of chaos and destructive patterns..... a struggle that's always with us in one sense, but one that takes intensified form at some points. my own journey with this struggle has looked very different over time, but i'm always grateful to look back and see how i've grown when choosing to believe in the best in myself]

when will i stop being surprised
when your choices become your lies?
when will i let myself see
that this has absolutely nothing to do with me?
when will i leave your shoes
and understand that i have nothing to prove?
when will i breathe some fresh air
and free myself from this needless despair?
when will i decide to climb out
and admit to myself what this is all about?
when will i use my two feet
and stop this fucking cycle of dependency?

when i believe.
when i believe.
when i believe.
when i believe.

in me.

poetry and photography copyright 2009. shane oborn.

the valley of every little thing

the valley of every little thing

lay it down. lay it all down.
have to lay it all down.

at the foot of the mountain of all things and every little thing
every little long-forsaken thing

time will tell. all the time will tell so much.
have to give time the time to tell it all.

the choices on these slopes of everything and all things
every choice weighs on these slopes

let it go. let it pour.
let it all pour into the valley of all things.
the valley of every little thing.

all things and everything.
its all so little.
its all just so little from here.

time says forsaken and just another thing
forsaken and just some other thing

just some other little soon forsaken thing
falling into the same obscurity of all things of that valley

anything here above all things
is just another thing
and i cry


poetry and photography copyright 2009. shane oborn.

more like me

...a post dedicated to the damned voices in our head that continue to beat us down....

[THE ROAD THROUGH MYSELF]

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow
Every step that I take is another mistake to you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this.... and all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you...

(Excerpt from "Numb" performed by Linkin Park)