fractured

[a poem written as an exercise in stream of consciousness while taking inspiration from the accompanying personal photograph]






fractured

we lay waste to what is fractured.
where will you meet me there?
the walls are crumbling around us. on what
shore will i find you when the wave has taken
us all away? what light will guide me there?
through what window should i look to see
your face when i have given up? what
glass must i break to be with you again?
its all there in front of me but no less
confusing. i was not prepared for this.
its dry, i'm tired, and silent.
i'm burning up and remember when i was
taken by the storm, and i would
take the salt on my tongue again as
i think back. its desperate here.
the empty space around me is both
desolate and heavy.
will it ever rain?

poetry and photography copyright 2009. shane oborn.

where photography meets illustration

this is a piece from a collection of illustrative works produced by dmitry utkin. this particular series was a fusion of real life photography with post-prod illustration work. amazing stuff. the collection was titled "where photography meets illustration". [pointed out to me by a friend]

miss peace

johnny cash - hurt

this is simply an amazing video/performance by cash. the stories buried in this man's face..... the pounding of the repeated chord towards the end of this song.... just strip you bare.

the great pacific garbage patch

i've heard/read about this garbage patch numerous times in the last year. it came across my path again this morning.....

....a garbage "soup" that has accumulated in the pacific and that basically extends from hawaii to japan!

part of me has simply not wanted to admit its possible or true. i have more than my fair share of cynicism tucked tightly into my psyche that would typically make me more than willing to entertain such a reality, but when this meets with one's inclination for illusion when it comes to matters that feel beyond your control, sometimes denial wins out.

i think i have been in denial.

having to face this reality feels heavy. and even if pessimistic, somewhat hopeless. what is more, this floating garbage heap in the pacific, with any insight, should lead us to a number of worse conclusions yet with regard to where and what garbage is doing globally.... both in water and on land. which is why this isn't really about the pacific garbage heap in particular, but just garbage specifically.... and the amount that we produce for our landfills everyday.

i have very little to say constructively this morning. at this point i'm simply venting. acknowledging. admitting to myself that there is a real problem here. i'm not sure what to do about it. my meager attempts to lessen the amount of plastic and other centuries-long-landfill-clogging refuse that i use feels so inadequate.

respect

respect

i am fragile

so don't hold back

i can't handle the truth

so please don't lie

i have all these problems

so don't try fix them

i need advice

so just stay silent

i am searching for something

so don't show me the way

i have finally arrived

so make sure i keep going

poetry and photography copyright 2009. shane oborn.

the desert way

taylor zimmerman dances in the rain

i have no idea who this young girl is. and no one needs me to re-report the news.

but this story sunk deep today.

taylor, a 14-year old girl from stillwater, goes outside in her swimsuit to dance in the rain yesterday (the same day my own boys stood outside feeling the raindrops in their little hands) and dies after being struck by lightning minutes later.

...

stunned is all i feel reading this.

...

tears for this little girl and her family. i am torn apart by this cruel universe and its apathy.

i grieve with you all today as a parent of three.

i'm so, so sorry.

Peace.

when i believe

[a poem dedicated to the past struggles i've encountered to find myself and my strength in the midst of chaos and destructive patterns..... a struggle that's always with us in one sense, but one that takes intensified form at some points. my own journey with this struggle has looked very different over time, but i'm always grateful to look back and see how i've grown when choosing to believe in the best in myself]

when will i stop being surprised
when your choices become your lies?
when will i let myself see
that this has absolutely nothing to do with me?
when will i leave your shoes
and understand that i have nothing to prove?
when will i breathe some fresh air
and free myself from this needless despair?
when will i decide to climb out
and admit to myself what this is all about?
when will i use my two feet
and stop this fucking cycle of dependency?

when i believe.
when i believe.
when i believe.
when i believe.

in me.

poetry and photography copyright 2009. shane oborn.

the valley of every little thing

the valley of every little thing

lay it down. lay it all down.
have to lay it all down.

at the foot of the mountain of all things and every little thing
every little long-forsaken thing

time will tell. all the time will tell so much.
have to give time the time to tell it all.

the choices on these slopes of everything and all things
every choice weighs on these slopes

let it go. let it pour.
let it all pour into the valley of all things.
the valley of every little thing.

all things and everything.
its all so little.
its all just so little from here.

time says forsaken and just another thing
forsaken and just some other thing

just some other little soon forsaken thing
falling into the same obscurity of all things of that valley

anything here above all things
is just another thing
and i cry


poetry and photography copyright 2009. shane oborn.

more like me

...a post dedicated to the damned voices in our head that continue to beat us down....

[THE ROAD THROUGH MYSELF]

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow
Every step that I take is another mistake to you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this.... and all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you...

(Excerpt from "Numb" performed by Linkin Park)

radiohead - idioteque (live)

i've been revisiting radiohead lately. in my experience, there are few in this world who somehow manage to hover just beneath the horizon of "sanity" (above/below.... hard to tell) without completely nose-diving.

thom yorke physically manifests a tenuous balance in this regard as he dives under, above, and around the subjective line of psychosis while performing his music on stage.

its the balance that strikes me..... compels me to listen, to observe, to disappear along with him into their music. radiohead speak in so many ways that go beyond lyrics (as one would expect to be the case for a band who composed a good portion of their lyrics while recording Kid A by pulling random phrases from a hat).

idioteque is a perfect example. this is a piece of musical genius. and the passion with which thom performs for this song has become widely adored about across the globe.

idioteque often brings me to tears. its a purportedly apocalyptic amalgam, that in terms of the composition itself, reflects the tension created by the concrete horrors encountered in this life juxtaposed with the ways in which we try to make sense of it all through abstraction.

its angry. its sad. its confused. its melancholic. and at the core an expression, an indignant account, a cry, a scream.

all very human.... but some feel it deeper than others. and it is souls like yorke's that for whatever reason, i seem to connect with intimately, and musically is no exception......


radiohead is at the top of my list of bands that i have not seen, but will make sure i do so when they come close to town again. i can't help but think of what i will have missed out on if i were to fail to take advantage of seeing this band live at least once while they are still touring together.

it seems a little too giddy to say "i look forward to it"....... but that's in the ballpark of how i feel all the while knowing its likely going to be a concert bringing out a full range of emotions for me......

present tense

do you see the way that tree bends?
does it inspire?
leaning out to catch the sun's rays
a lesson to be applied....

i've refrained for so long.

but its time. two-thousand and nine begins a new chapter in my life in so many ways, and i've been on a hiatus from writing..... a break which for all practical purposes extends back to my "myspace" days when i was writing (mostly poetry) two to three times a week.

choosing a title for my blog was not a trivial choice for me, but i've settled upon "present tense." this connotes a number of things meaningful to me in one simple phrase..... first of all, it pays homage to a long-standing staple for any music collection i've maintained over the years (whether LPs, cassettes, CDs, or now, MP3s) -- that being pearl jam and its singer/songwriter, eddie veddar. it also reflects one essential, even if too obvious to see, element to a "blog".... and that is its irreducible connection to time..... particularly the present. even when reminiscing on the past, you cannot escape the fact that your consciousness' own awareness of itself will always intersect with time in the mode of the present. and the last thing worth pointing out for now would be its play on words when it comes to "tense." for whatever reason, i tend to write/think/process within the crucible of tension. tension is a pivotal concept to me given its intrinsic explanatory power when engaging a wholly interconnected "world." it is within the push and pull of all things finite that we attempt to make sense of our lives, the world, and all that we experience.... .....a fitting allusion for a blog title it seems.

i am pretty stoked about this newfound outlet for recording some of my thoughts, poetry, and experiences. i have a daughter who is only about 2 weeks from being born. this will bring my immediate family to five. with two sons under the wing at ages 5 and 4, things are going to change drastically soon. and it feels like a great time to be writing again....... so much to come.....

Peace.