this is all of everything

last time i thought about it

i had at least four favorite memories

funneling into the valley

of my failing recollection.

what more could one ask for

than a handful of loved ones by his side?

where did it go,

days spent looking out the window?

wondering what life would bring

when i finally stepped out the door.

i can't hold onto all i've had

its too much for one to carry

but that doesn't mean i've given up

it just means i'm moving on

it just means life is moving on

back then i stepped into all sorts of things

today i just step into the river

life isn't any less confusing

but i'd say i'm less confused

as its all about what you're looking for

and sometimes about what you're not

but i'm sure i found what's worth holding on

and i'm holding on to what i've got

in this life we own nothing of value

for what we own is chaff in wind

and the things we'd want to own the most

are beyond such recklessness

what we've got is all around us

and there's no sense looking back

or forward, beneath, or the next street over

that's all just petty cash

death.

its around every corner.

we walk the streets with our purses

on one shoulder and our messenger bags

on another.

perhaps our cell phones rang just in time

to turn our glance from yet another

chance to wake up from this intentional

choice to glance away together.

and its here.

and its there.

and i know it.

and i have awoken.

and i know i'm falling asleep. someday.

and i began this way.

and i don't have to remain here.

and so i chose not to.

and so i choose not to.

because the moments i'll spend awake now

will be my finest.

they will be my finest, and are, and have been.

already.

and i'm not as distracted.

and i'm not as confused.

because i get it.

and i hold on now.

and i hold on gently and with grace and with tears.

and i hold on with my hands open

because i understand its not mine

and i do not own what i love.

and this, this is love.

and this, this is all of everything.